2004-04-23

Why I hate alarms

I hate, absolutely detest and positively abhor, house and car alarms!!

Partner and I disagree on this vehemently.

He insists I turn the damn thing on. His hypothetical reasoning, geared to get me where it hurts, is to explain that someone would try to break in, and hearing the alarm, would then run away. Otherwise, they�d break in, the dogs would bark, they�d shoot the dogs, then steal our stuff. So by turning it on, I�m protecting Floofy Cubed and D-Dog as well as his 36 inch TV.

I proposed an alternate scenario: Someone tries to break in, and the alarm goes off. They ignore it (everyone else does). The dogs bark, and they shoot the dogs, grab whatever they want and bolt before a.) the alarm company calls, gets no answer and calls the police and b.) the police get around to getting there.

I proposed an alternate, alternate scenario: The alarm goes off for no apparent reason while we aren�t there. Here we have two ways to go: the alarm company calls, gets no answer, calls the police, and they can�t reach Partner because he�s out of range of cell phone service (this happens a lot). Or, option two, the alarm company ignores it, and the neighbors call the police after a few hours of alarm and barking dogs makes them crazy. Either way, the police show up, can�t get in to check because of the barking dogs, and shoot the dogs. Don�t shake your heads, it happens a lot. Especially around here.

So.

You would think that I�d win this argument, correct?

No.

Now, our alarm system came with the house, and Partner decided he might as well pay for the service (three times what he paid for the service for his old one at the other house). And this one has a feature where you can set it to �instant�, and while you�re upstairs cornered in the bedroom with a phone handy you know immediately if someone broke in and can call 911, rather than just beep at you for a while first.

Joy.

But, as per Partner�s wishes, I set the damn thing, because he is gone for a few days with D-Dog, and it seemed reasonable, while I was there, to take that precaution, if only so he didn�t worry.

3:29am (yea AM not PM) this morning, the alarm went off.

This isn�t a �Beep beep beep please come turn me off beep� sound, this is a full blown �intruder alert woooooowoooooooooowooooo� alarm.

Floofy Cubed went ballistic, of course.

I came flying out of bed from a deep sleep (which had already been disturbed several times as it was, with phone calls and people yelling in the street which upsets Floofy Cubed). The alarm pad is downstairs by the back door, but a second one upstairs in the bedroom. However, it�s across the room and it�s a rather large room. So I lurched across the room, in the dark, in a rather zig-zagging pattern, bouncing off furniture and such, to reach the damn thing in the 45 seconds or whatever is allotted to me to turn it off before the alarm company allegedly calls the cops.

I have no idea if I made it in the 45 seconds or not, since my time sense half asleep is somewhat less than optimal. At least the thing stopped �woowooooing� at me.

But it wouldn�t turn off. I kept punching in the code and the blasted thing wouldn�t turn off. Finally, after half a dozen attempts, it shut off.

Shutting off Floofy Cubed had yet to be accomplished.

I waited by the phone for a few minutes, in case the alarm company called.

They didn�t.

Which is good because I�d completely forgotten the code Partner told me.

Then I put some clothes on, in case the local police showed up.

They didn�t.

Next, was the trip all around the house, upstairs and down, to see what had set off the alarm. With Floofy Cubed glued to my leg, woofing menacingly.

Nothing.

No door was open, no window disturbed, no one hiding anywhere. No one even in the street and not even any raccoon noises.

Nothing.

Need it be said I had a wee bit o� trouble getting back to sleep?

So here I am at work, taking a quick break to stay awake because I have maybe 3 hours of fitful sleep under my belt, and it�s the busiest day I�ve had in a month, because our big event is tomorrow and everyone has the last minute panics, which seems to be the tradition around here.

Sooooo, boys and girls, that�s why I hate alarms.

Ever since an ex-brother-in-law worked for an alarm company (probably ours), and used to talk about how they rarely pay much attention except in some cases. He cited random percentages of �false alarms� that caused this lack of interest. He mentioned how bored he was, so he regularly banged his wife in the back room while on shift when she came to bring him lunch at 3am. He may have been a pathological liar but I believed him on this one.

Tonight, Floofy Cubed and I are sleeping downstairs, with the shotgun, next to a phone. And screw the alarm, I prefer to surprise them.

It�s more fun that way.

Mitakuye Oyasin

Walk in Balance

(carry a weapon in both hands)