2004-04-13
Canine Termites
There have been a spate of �fly on the wall� posts lately so I�ll just jump right on that bandwagon, for want of anything better today. Not that there�s anything that exciting or titillating going on at home (or here at the Lions� Den) lately. But the following is a fairly frequent scenario:Partner: "have you been in the great room lately?"
Me: "umm ... a few minutes ago. Why?"
Partner: "where are the dogs?"
Floofy Cubed & D-Dog: *running back to my office and hiding behind me*
Me: "what did they do now?"
Floofy Cubed & D-Dog: *tails wagging furiously, attempt at an innocent look on their faces*
Partner: "$(*&)$#^%@!$@%!!!!!!" *sounds of the vacuum*
Me: "what happened? What�s wrong?"
Floofy Cubed & D-Dog: *looking worried but trying to be casual about it*
Partner: *door slams*
Me: *sigh*
Me: *hauling ass to the greatroom*
Floofy Cubed & D-Dog: *following, tails a-wagging, tongues a-flopping*
Me: *upon seeing an entire log chewed to smithereens. Little smithereens. Lots of little smithereens* "OMG!"
Floofy Cubed & D-Dog: *looking inordinately proud of themselves*
Me: "ok, which one of you is the termite in a dog suit? Nevermind ... I know."
D-Dog: *has the grace to look at least partly remorseful*
Floofy Cubed: *grins a wolfish grin, because D-Dog is getting in trouble again*
Rinse and repeat.
Repeatedly.
This is a very common occurrence in our house. Sometimes it�s cushions. But lately it�s logs. And I don�t mean little logs. I mean big, 12" diameter chunks. Kindling. Right into kindling. Well, it�d be better kindling if it were dry, and not chewed up and full of dog drool. But it�s the size of kindling when he�s done.
And he never, ever, has any � um � digestive issues.
My dog is a termite in disguise.
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